My friend told me that people with so-and-so planet in their astro-house face more struggles in life. I was left wondering. I thought, maybe. But then what’s struggle according to them might be a cakewalk for me and vice versa.

We fret about pretty insignificant and rubbish things every so often. And then we call it struggle!

Very strange, isn’t it?

For eg. many people say I am struggling to get a promotion or pay hike. Or I am struggling to get married. Or get laid. A while ago, even I would say ‘why can’t I get what I want’ or ‘why is it so difficult to get what I deserve’.

What we call struggle is when things don’t go as per our plans. When we are impatient to fulfil our dreams. Then I wondered what would be my definition of struggle. So, the following thought came to mind:

That existence has a plan for me. It’s impossible to understand it in advance. When it’s happening to us, we are just at our wits ends as to why THIS is happening to me! Fast-forward a few years and looking back it starts to make sense. Nonetheless, we resist existence’s plan when it’s manifesting through us. This is what we call struggle.

When I resist existence’s plan, when I feel existence is trying to stop my growth — I quiver.

Don’t you think that’s struggle?

But who am I to know what leads to growth and what will result to stagnation? How can I be so sure in advance?

So, isn’t it better to just give our best and leave the results to existence?

The difference then is that we still put our best foot forward but we don’t fret over what comes next. Where the journey will lead us.

Give your best,
Let existence,
take care of the rest.

But it’s one thing to not get what you want and another is to be presented with two or more options.

Should I choose promotion in the same company or a better pay in another. Where to put my foot?

Choosing one and not the other will drastically change the course of rest of our lives.

Then we are left wondering what the hell to do now! How do I decide what will make me happy? What will keep me happy?

When I am in such a position that I have four directions to walk toward — yes, right now I am dealing with not just two or three options but four. It’s a hurricane up in the brain.

How do I select?

I could not find a good solution so I just shot arrows in every direction.

And then I am leaving it unto existence to show me a light/sign. I will look at the stars, the moon, and the planets and ask them what’s their master plan.

This requires silence. Within and without.

I know I will get a calling from inside. A door will get opened. Maybe the one I do not expect or wish. Then I will let go of my plans and just walk through that door chosen for me.

Can you think of any better solutions? What do you do when you are in such a situation?

What is your definition of struggle?

Dear Ansh,

So, the emotional and raw mind may be closer to your true self, but to survive and thrive in this society you need to complement it with the rational mind.

The rational mind was added later to the machinery for a reason.

Who knows if it’s because of rational mind we got the ability to transcend.

Like with driving a car, both steering and accelerator are needed to reach a destination. And both serve a purpose.

And know that I have forgiven you, and I am trying to love you unconditionally.

Take care,

English Version

It is all-powerful, all-encompassing. Don’t you think existence can rid us of all our sufferings in an instant?

Yes, it so easily can.

After all, existence is ridding itself, eventually. Existence liberates itself through us. We are just vehicles, mediums, vessels, hollow flutes.

Then why do you think we are still not waking up? That is to say, why is the vessel or the flute still under this illusion?

Just take a wild guess.

IT loves us.

Existence loves us dearly!

(It’s self-love eventually)

‘IT’ does not want to break the flute. Because ‘IT’ is so pure and powerful!

And we, the flutes, are impure and fragile. It is that simple!

The moment we are ready, i.e. the moment the vessel or the flute is completely empty/pure, the powerful ‘presence’ will flow through us.

And break the boundaries of the flute without the flute getting afraid of dying.[Pure LIGHT can blind the untrained ‘I’]

And if in this life ‘IT’ is not waking us, the children of God (IT), then don’t get disheartened.

It simply means that THE PARENT is loving watching the kids sleep!

But a moment will come when it is time that ‘IT’ wakes us up to go to school with IT. 😄

When I sat down to play Ode to Joy with both hands for the first time, it felt like trying to pat my head and rub my belly while riding a bicycle on a tightrope.

Simple melody. Complex coordination. My brain lit up like a city switching on its lights at dusk.

I started slow.

Thumb meets thumb. Then they split—one holding the ground, the other carrying the tune.

I missed notes. I laughed. My fingers argued.

And then, for a few bars, they agreed.

Harmony.

Like two friends finally walking in step.

Something shifted. Not just in the music. In me.

Playing with both hands is a workout for the brain

You’re running two programs at once—melody and harmony—while your eyes track symbols, your ears check timing, and your muscles calibrate pressure.

Executive functions, working memory, processing speed—this is their gym. Each repetition isn’t just practice; it’s construction.

New roads. Better traffic. Faster routes between neighbourhoods that rarely spoke.

Science backs this.

Intensive piano practice trains the brain. It strengthens attention in noise. It sharpens working memory. It speeds how we process information. It even reshapes the map—more connectivity in frontal, temporal, parietal regions. More integrity in white matter highways. Less decline with age. More resilience. More life in the lights.

I stopped playing for the last couple of weeks due to some reasons but after reading a scientific article recently I am starting again!

What about you?

Have you tried? Do you wish to?

What happens in your body when both hands move?

Do you feel the tug-of-war—or the truce?

What song will you make your first handshake?

Because I’m afraid I won’t have enough time to leave a legacy, I rush everything—and end up producing mediocre “content” and “poetry.”

As a kid, I heard my father say, “I know I will live till 61.” I wondered: do I know my number? After scoring 72% in high school and crying over it, I had this odd feeling I might live till 72.

Sometimes I think the body knows its timeline and the brain leaks signals. Or maybe I’m completely wrong.

Another take

Maybe I’m simply at peace with mediocrity and don’t crave greatness like air or water.

When asked what she fears most, Taylor Swift said “mediocrity.” Bill Gates said, “I don’t want my brain to stop working.”

I fear premature death more than I fear mediocrity, maybe.

If I knew my remaining years

Would I live differently?

Ten years left—how would I change? Two years—what then? Terminal cancer, two months—what matters now?

Twain ringing in my ears with his words,

“The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.”

My question: knowing we could die any moment, why do we still live like cowards—or like machines?

Camus ringing in my ears with his words,

“Man is the only creature who refuses to be what he is.”

When my first company’s HR asked why I wanted to resign, I said: “Everyone here works like a machine. I’m not a machine. I’m unique.”

Carl Jung ringing in my ears with his words,

“The privilege of a lifetime is to become who you truly are.”

Your take:

Most days, I feel the urge to leave a legacy. Worthy or not, lucky or not, I’ll try. Despite my impulsivity and quirks, I’ll aim for a legacy—not fame.

They’re not the same.

Here’s a parable to drive the point home:

A runner and a gardener start on the same day. The runner breaks records. The gardener plants seeds. Ten years later, the records are forgotten. The trees give shade.

Which one lived with time, not against it?

Do you also feel like leaving a legacy behind? If yes, which field or sector?

First of all some quick housekeeping. Recently, I have overhauled my blogging strategy.

Instead of publishing “spiritual-esque” content on Substack (Whole Explorers) and personal reflections and stories on Ghost (erstwhile Whole Humans), and mental health and environment and sustainability oriented content on Medium, I have simplified everything to avoid confusion for you and make my life simpler as well.

So, I will publish the same content i.e. multidisciplinary or interdisciplinary reflections on the human longing to be free, on all the platforms with same name i.e Whole Explorers and same username i.e. @wholeexplorer

Ghost

Substack

Medium

WordPress

Micro.Blog

I was a regular at the first three platforms but I came across a great app “Ulysses” which let me write once, with all the bells and whistles, and publish on all the (four) platforms at once, except Substack.

What’s more! As I have taken the premium plan of Micro.blog it allows publishing the blog link with Headline and Tags on most of the social media platforms that I have connected with it automatically.

So, Ulysses sends to all the four platforms and Micro.blog sends to connected social medial platforms (X, Threads, Mastodon). Isn’t it amazing! So much time and energy saved. Also, I hated sharing the blog posts on social media after publishing! Such a relief that it is automated.

Currently, it’s all messed up, some posts are on one platform and not the others. In the coming days and months, my aim is to make it uniform across all the platforms and use automation to the extent possible.

But, I will send the email newsletter only from a single platform, either Substack or Ghost, that I am yet to decide. Because I know how it feels like to be spammed with different newsletters.

Why publish on so many platforms, you might ask?

To find ‘my kind of people’. Simple. I have no intentions of monetizing any of my blogs in the near future. And even if I do I will make it voluntary like Maria Popova (Marginalian) and Aeon+Psyche magazine do- accept donations to keep doing what they love. And maybe even donate further what’s surplus.

Now onto today’s post for which I mustered enough courage to reveal the scars of my soul.

Before my well-wishers declare it to the world and make my world a terrible heaven to live in, I wish to come out clean and openly admit that, YES, I am suffering from a psych disorder just like Van Gogh suffered, just like Kurt Cobain suffered, just like Dostoyevsky suffered and all the rest of the creatives.

And I would like to take this opportunity of renaming this ill-named disorder as 'FALL' intensely disorder.

F- Feeling
A- And
L - Living
L -: Life

(Life is a sine wave and I live that Wave intensely. I know no other way)

And it is called a Dis-Order because it happens to only a few of us. I wish if it happened to most of us this world would have been a better place.

And then it won't be called as 'Dis-Order' by "them".

Why?

Because collective insanity is acceptable and sometimes even respected.

And we are afraid of flying higher because we are afraid of falling (FALL-ing) harder to the ground, which is inevitable. But if we somehow get rid of the fear of falling?

We might someday fly so high
as to make a hole in the sky
(and arrive in a world we belong)

And this could happen if we start taking therapy from life teachers.

It took me around three and a half years to come out in the open and disclosing my mental affliction. Actually, it is not mental. Now my understanding has evolved and I see my (human) condition as "Soul Sickness".

(I feel lighter already! The Eminem song, "Not Afraid", is coming to my mind)

It is neither a "brain" disorder or "mental" illness or even "psych" affliction. These all are just words. And the words prescribed by some "Doctors" can not define who you are.

We are a soul. And until we reach a place where we belong we will be beset with this sickening soul sickness.

And now I am not afraid by anyone or anything to speak my mind. I am ready to face the music because music and books and friends are my companions on this long, arduous journey from soul suffocation to soul satisfaction.

Would you like or love to join me? Or make fun of my illness?

We express ourselves not to provide 'value' to the 'receivers', although we care deeply about them too, but it is mostly a way to salve our own wounds.

But my Maa (mother) has a different opinion on creativity. She says it relates to 'sensitivity' or 'attentiveness'.

Maybe she’s right, maybe sensitivity and suffering are interlinked like two sides of the same coin.

And this coin is the root cause of creativity.

Purpose of Creativity

What’s the purpose?

What do they create for?

Money, Fame, Power, Admiration, Accolades? Grammy or Man Booker or Oscar?

What if creatives start charging for their creations?

The receivers will be limited - only those who can afford it. Like 3-4 years ago, I couldn't afford to attend Switchfoot's live concert, so I wouldn't have experienced their hypnotic live performance or received 'The Gift'.

After the concert, Jon Foreman came out of the venue alone with a guitar and stood on a stone at a crossroad, singing his favorite songs from his latest album, In Bloom.

What he said on that wintry, rainy night shook me to the bones,

You can't pay me for what I'm doing now (singing those songs in the rain), so I always do it as an aftershow. It's a way to pass on 'The Gift' I have.

For a long time, I had been in a dilemma about monetizing my creation, which is now gone.

Because a few days ago, I saw his interview where he mentioned the book "The Gift."

After reading Margaret Atwood’s review, I had not an iota of a doubt.

Review of "The Gift"

Maybe, in the future, I might do something purely voluntary like donations and use that money wisely. But keeping it strictly separate from what physically sustains me.

Because putting the burden of sustenance on "The Gift" will certainly make it disappear and not reach the weary souls.

So, the purpose of 'creativity' or any creation must be to keep "The Gift" in motion.

What are your views on creativity?

What are your views on ‘starving artists’?

The 11 unanswered questions, often referred to as the Avyakata (unanswered or undeclared) questions, are a set of metaphysical or speculative inquiries that the Buddha chose not to answer.

His silence on these matters was because he believed such questions were not conducive to enlightenment and liberation but instead led to confusion and distraction.

The 11 questions are:

1. Is the universe eternal?

2. Is the universe not eternal?

3. Is the universe finite?

4. Is the universe infinite?

5. Is the self identical with the body?

6. Is the self different from the body?

7. Does the Tathagata (the Buddha or an enlightened being) exist after death?

8. Does the Tathagata not exist after death?

9. Does the Tathagata both exist and not exist after death?

10. Does the Tathagata neither exist nor not exist after death?

11. What is the origin of the world?

Buddha's Reason for Silence:

The Buddha explained that these questions do not lead to liberation from suffering. He emphasized practical teachings focused on the Four Noble Truths and the Noble Eightfold Path, which provide a direct path to enlightenment and the cessation of suffering.

His approach was pragmatic and aimed at addressing the immediate problem of human suffering rather than engaging in speculative philosophy.

This perspective is reflected in his parable of the "Arrow", where he likens these speculative questions to a person shot with a poisoned arrow who refuses treatment until all irrelevant questions about the arrow and the shooter are answered.

The priority, he taught, should be removing the arrow (suffering) rather than indulging in unanswerable questions.

What do you think? Was he right in not answering these questions?

Someone said it right that the vessel or the flute would break when the pure air passes through it.

So, the flute needs to be prepared (read cleaned) first for the pure air to pass through it.

And it could be painful. It would be painful at first.

It will surely bring tears of joy.

In a way, pure sadness and pure joy are equivalent. I mean the quality of them.

I’ll do what the heck I want. I’m free!

Baby, that’s not freedom, it’s being a prisoner of your mind. Don’t get deceived by your mind.

Your mind comes up with a thought of craving something and you pursue it. You avoid something your mind shows aversion to.

Tell me, how come you free if all you do is just follow?

Whether we have 'Free Will' or not is an article for another time. But long story short, we don't.

You say you decide whether to eat that cookie. You say you’re making a conscious decision. But you’re mistaken.

When you say you decide, your decision is based on a thought that arose in your mind without effort or will on your part.

Can you will yourself to think a thought?

Do you tell your mind to think this particular thought now and that one three seconds later?

And even if you can tell your mind what to do, does it listen?

No, right?

By now, all of you meditation junkies know that thoughts arise and disappear of their own accord, right?

So, when you say you do what you please, it’s simply you following the dictates of your mind, which is producing new thoughts every moment, sometimes of attraction and sometimes of aversion.

And this is slavery, right? Following a master(mind).

What to do instead

See, the problem is I usually don’t have solutions. But I can help you to think and ask better questions.

So, instead of reacting to thoughts arising in my mind, can 'I' maintain a distance and just observe the thoughts without judgment or reaction?

If you can do that, then ask who or what exactly is observing?

Why can't we let life remain a mystery and rather live the mystery?

Why are we searching for meaningful goals to achieve in life?

Isn't life its own goal?

Why do we want to achieve something extraordinary?

Will it make our lives meaningful?

Do you really think there is an inherent meaning in life?

Here is what a wise man had once said-

Nobody ever figures out what life is all about, and it doesn't matter. Explore the world. Nearly everything is really interesting if you go into it deeply enough.

Life is to be lived wholly, fully, totally. It is simple but difficult to do.

Because of the conditioning.

Some 📸 to help you live life vicariously

Have a great weekend!

Cheers,

Ansh

Now, he is telling me to focus on the breath and my back is singing its own song. But I resisted the urge of distraction & strengthened my resolve to focus only on the breath.

A few seconds elapsed and I was back to square one - focusing on the pain erupting in my back.

At a loss, I decided it was not going to work this way.

I thought of a solution.

I decided that I would allow my mind to focus on my breath as well as my back, i.e. I tried to fragment my attention. Just let it go where it pleases.

I noticed it was much easier to focus on my breath this way.

Using force, repression or suppression never works with the mind. Oh, no way!

You have got to let loose the noose and then just watch!

Forcing the mind to think a thought

What is even more interesting is when I ‘forced’ my mind to think, it went blank.

I literally told my mind, ‘THINK A THOUGHT RIGHT NOW!’

And it went blank!

This led me to contemplate the prospect of humans having no free-will. When thoughts come and go as they please and I don’t have any control over them then certainly free will is out of the question.

Live Music Concert

Have you noticed that when you are at a music concert or any live event and you want to enjoy the moment fully but you simply can not?

You want the unrelated thoughts running in your head to stop so you can absorb the moment but you can not.

Why does that happen? And what can you do about it?

This happened to me recently (again!). I was at a classical music concert organized by my office. The music, the harmonious and melodious sound was enthralling, captivating, and spellbinding. But my mind harbored thoughts of pending work I had to complete tomorrow. What!

I assured myself I would take care of it tomorrow. And that there is no point in mulling over it as I can not do anything about it right then and there. So, I told my mind to stop my train of thought and let me enjoy the magical classical music.

But no, my mind won't listen! As soon as I told it to stop thinking 'that particular thing' it zoomed in and started thinking about it in vivid detail. How frustrating!

The other time I was at a Coldplay concert in Zurich. I was so enjoying my first live Coldplay concert when the person standing next to me started admonishing his son to take off his hat. He told him many times. But the kid won't budge.

I told my mind to ignore what was happening next to me and focus on what was in front of me. But the mind won't listen. The ears instead of listening to my favorite songs would run to pick on what my neighbor was telling his son.

The more I forced my mind the more rebellious it became.

It is so frustrating I tell you. Today, I have had enough of it. I started to search for why my mind behaved like this and how to get rid of this.

Here is what I found

This phenomenon is known as "Ironic processing". It is a term used to describe the phenomenon where if you try hard not to think about something, you end up thinking about it even more.

Here's a simple example:

Imagine I tell you, "Whatever you do, don't think about a big, juicy slice of pizza." What's the first thing that comes to your mind? Chances are, you're now thinking about pizza, even though I told you not to.

The reason behind this is that when you actively try to push a thought away, your brain can't help but bring it to the forefront. This happens because it's constantly checking to see if you're avoiding that thought. So, ironically, your attempt to not think about something makes you think about it more.

So, how to get rid of it?

When such a situation arises where a disturbing or unsettling or an innocuous thought comes in the mind don't try to shoo it away, don't try to repress it. Instead, give some time to observe it. How?

Say this aloud: I am noticing that such XYZ thought has arrived in my mind. And just by the act of noticing, slowly and gradually the thought will disappear. Remember you did not push it away, it went away on its own accord just by your observance.

This practice looks simple but it is not easy to do. It takes practice. I started inculcating this new way of dealing with thoughts.

Let me know how you find it. If it is easy to do or if it helps.

Depression can be defined as a lack of vitality. Lack of aliveness.

Depression takes away everything that makes us a human being, and turns us into zombies, no?

But, does depression take away our ability to be aware as well?

It feels like too much of any emotion or a complete lack of it makes it nearly impossible for 'me' to be aware of it.

Although, this does not make complete sense in the case of awareness.

What has ‘awareness’ to do with emotions? Awareness does not originate from the mind, right?

But, some neuroscientists, like Jaak Panksepp, have said-:

"Emotions are the foundation of consciousness, not the other way around."

So there is a possibility that the mind can cloud the awareness, right? Like the stones at the bottom of the river are not visible when the flow of the water is turbulent.

So, when the mind is agitated or depressed or angry or melancholy it will naturally be difficult to be aware, right?

But I've heard some Masters/Teachers say that it is possible to be completely aware even when one is depressed or agitated.

Here is what Jon Kabat-Zinn had said-:

"When you’re depressed, you don’t need to add anything extra. You need to learn to allow things to be as they are without trying to push them away."

Pema Chödrön-:

"Rather than letting our negativity get the better of us, we could acknowledge that right now we feel like a piece of shit and not be squeamish about taking a good look."

And Thich Nhat Hanh-:

Life is both dreadful and wonderful...How can I smile when I am filled with so much sorrow? It is natural--you need to smile to your sorrow because you are more than your sorrow.

But it’s so difficult to practise, right?

What my personal experience says

My personal experience says otherwise.

I went through the D phase twice in my life. And each lasted for four to six months. It was intense.

Forget about being aware, I found it difficult to even figure out what is happening to me. What's more interesting was when the D phase came for the second time.

I still could not figure out what was happening to me although I had experienced something similar before.

How can someone expect me to meditate when my emotional and mental life is falling apart?

Just making it through the day somehow and getting to sleep feels like a battle won. Meditation or mindfulness never crossed my mind.

How can a person starving to death think of meditating? Depression is like dying of starvation, right?

What does your experience say

Were you able to practice mindfulness when angry or depressed, fellow Explorers?

Or, like me, you were depressed about being depressed and felt like doing nothing but just lying in bed all the time?

Leave a comment

And I think then we will find that there is no need, in the first place, to figure it out.

Or maybe, the answers will start flowing through us of its own accord.

So, it’s like this-:

• If you specifically seek out only answers you won’t find any.

• If you do self-inquiry and ask right questions, answers will start coming

I don’t know if this will be the case with you. I am just expressing a possibility.

But in my own experience, most of the time happiness or contentment or fulfilment or bliss or clarity has come to me as an ‘unexpected visitor’.

Whereas, when I was desperately seeking the answers I got even more lost.

What do you think, Explorers?

What has been your experience so far?

Leave a comment

Or join the subscriber chat anytime to share with us your thoughts, musings, or questions. Let's find out together.

Well, it’s not that I didn’t feel like writing. I wrote, a lot, during this past month in my diaries/journals/supernote. To give you an idea, there are five rooms in my apartment and there is a diary/notebook along with a fountain pen in every room, sometimes even in the balcony (perks of a well-paid job that I can afford to buy 13 fountain pens and 16 diaries!).

I just didn’t feel like opening the laptop, typing it out, editing it, formatting it, tinkering with the settings, SEO, and whatnot. And then preview it, re-format the whole thing, then finally publish! And then share it here and there….it’s such a chore!

Today, I am feeling motivated and high on caffeine, sitting in my balcony, and feeling like sharing what I have written. So, here it goes!

All those who are still here, let me ask you an important question-:

Why does it feel disgusting to look at your poop? (or anyone else’s for that matter!)

Why are burps socially acceptable but not farts? Just because it is coming from a hidden place?

Those of you calling me filthy, read this story where Picasso had used his daughter’s feces for a painting. And what’s more, people called him a genius for doing that! 1

Story behind the question

So, I went to the loo in the library last day. When I was done with the ‘work’ I flushed it but even after that proof of my poop remained. And I looked at it.

I said ‘Yewww!’

But then, being the philosopher that I am, I wondered aloud ‘Why am I feeling disgusted looking at it?’

I mean, it’s not anything out of this world. It’s made of some substance. Sure, it stinks but so do other things. But why the disgust?

Then I told myself to let’s go back in time when I was a child. When I didn’t have even a name for it.

Was it still disgusting to the child me?

What was it like, Ansh?

Before the society (parents included) told me it was something Yuck?

Didn’t I see it as something strange with a sense of curiosity and not disgust? Maybe.

Like I wrote before I don’t have many answers, all I (think) am good at is asking questions and encouraging you to do the same.

• So, what do you think where does this feeling of disgust come from?

• Can you remember how you felt about it during your childhood

Let’s discuss this in the comments below

But it was limiting me. I was reading books and articles on all sorts of topics such as neuroscience, evolutionary biology, emotional intelligence, philosophy, psychology, mental health, right education and parenting, creativity, arts, existentialism, absurdism, determinism, environmentalism, minimalism, and so on.

So, why am I limiting myself to writing only about philosophy and spirituality from the Eastern Perspective? Because people say it is good to niche down? Because I should propagate ‘my’ school of wisdom?

Well, screw that. I will write what I am most passionate and curious about. And that’s almost everything. Everything is interesting as long as I am curious. (In the future maybe I will zone in on one subject and go deep but I don’t see that happening soon)

I think if we wish to know ourselves better and live-an-examined-life then we will have to dip our toes in each of these topics. And yes, you can achieve the same result if you go to the depth of one subject, Quantum Mechanics, Evolutionary Biology, or even Advaita Vedanta. You will discover the same truth.

Everything is interlinked, interdependent, co-existing mysteriously and magically. And before attaining that ‘woo woo’ state we should at least become whole (human) beings. That is more important.

School is meant to do that but all it has done is clip our wings. So, let’s help each other now to impart real education through our knowledge, wisdom, and direct experiences.

While one can say that the East has ‘experienced’ or ‘known’ the truth without tools and the West is trying to do that with tools and experiments, in the end, the East has to meet the West for us to become whole beings and hence sustain a healthy planet.

This merger and convergence will make it a lot easier for us to grasp the mysteries of life or to understand the futility of grasping and reaching higher dimensions.

I don’t have many answers but I am curious and always thinking why this is this way and that is that way. I think this questioning and inquiring attitude is enough to get closer to the truth. This will be my main goal with this newsletter. Think and ask better questions together.

So, let’s walk on this journey of self-exploration and (no)self-realization together!

• Either your thoughts took shape in your mind after mixing all you have been reading, listening and watching

• Or you are sitting silently and contemplating and an insight comes like a lightning strike and you try to catch a glimpse of it by writing it down.

  I wrote about something related in a previous edition listed below:

  Eastern Perspective

  How to Integrate Creativity & Enlightenment for Astonishing Personal Growth (KP-27)

  Life Lesson Let's say that the mind is a lake. Now you read, listen, watch, or take something stimulating, the lake is stirred and shaken and then you contemplate over the musings/stirrings. And then you start putting your 'original' thoughts which is nothing but a remix of what inspired you. It's called combinatorial creativity. That's how creative idea…

  Read more

  3 years ago · Ansh

You can be good at first scenario if you have a sharp and witty mind.

And if you take care of your emotional and mental health.

And if you have a good content diet.

But to be good at the second scenario you need to have a pure soul which can not be cultivated by doing any of the worldly acitivities or habits or taking psychoactive substances.

I mean every soul is pure but it is clouded by many dirty and filthy layers (due to conditioning).

You can not peel off the layers by doing these worldly activities.

You can peel off the layers if you question everything.

If you enquire.

If you talk to yourself.

If you are mindful of things happening within and without.

This is what came to my mind, out of nowhere, while returning home from the parking lot:

Now I swear what arrived from beyond, through my mind, is not something that I had read or heard somewhere. At least I am not aware of that happening consciously.

This makes me think of copyrights and trademark and all the rest of it.

How can we lay claim to some thoughts or creative ideas or compositions written or composed through us? Because it certainly is not created by us.

Fellow Explorers, what do you think of it?

Do you really think that the creative thoughts and insights you get originate in your brain?

I don’t know what science or research says but let’s discuss in the comments below!

Without building up the secret let me disclose it upfront that the mind is most afraid of enlightenment.

I have felt it momentarily twice now. And many spiritual teachers and Masters attest to this fact.

Let me explain to you what I mean by this.

It is the death of the mind when we become fully aware.

What do I mean by death?

It means going beyond the mind. That now the mind will not run the show, its show of creating an illusion, the illusion of a self.

That mind is thrown out of business. Then how could mind stand it! Naturally, it will resist and revolt.

Now you know why you hate to meditate, why you resist going on an inward journey.

Why instead of just sitting and watching your thoughts you prefer to give yourself electric shocks. 

Because your mind hates the illumination of your soul.

But 'you' need not be afraid of it, Ansh.

Why?

Because the death of the mind is the birth of the real 'you'. 

Now let me share with you what some of the Indian Philosophers have said on the death of the mind:

Ramana Maharshi

• "The mind is destroyed by the mere act of enquiry into its nature. This is the only means for realizing the Self."

  • This quote speaks directly to the destruction or death of the mind through self-enquiry.

Jiddu Krishnamurti

• "It is only in the negation of the false that the true comes into being. And the negation of the false is the death of the mind as we know it."

  • Krishnamurti explicitly mentions the death of the mind in the process of negating falsehood to realize the truth.

• "The mind has to die for the beauty of life to be."

  • This quote straightforwardly states that the mind must die for one to truly experience the beauty of life.

Nisargadatta Maharaj

• "The mind creates the abyss. The heart crosses it. The death of the mind is the birth of wisdom."

  • This emphasizes that the mind's death is essential for true wisdom to arise.

• "All separation, every kind of estrangement and alienation is false. All is one. This is the ultimate truth. But to see it, the mind must die."

  • Nisargadatta highlights the necessity of the mind's death to perceive ultimate truth and unity.

Sri Aurobindo

• "There must be the complete death of the mind's arrogance and its belief in its own truth before the Truth can find its place in us."

  • Aurobindo speaks about the death of the mind's arrogance and self-belief to make way for a higher truth.

Adi Shankaracharya

• "When the mind dies, the soul awakes in the silence of the heart."

  • Although not a direct quote from Shankaracharya, this conveys the essence of his teachings that the death of the mind leads to the awakening of the soul.

Osho

• "The mind will create a thousand and one fears to protect itself. It will resist any attempt to transcend it because that means its own death."

  • Osho highlights the mind's resistance and fear in the face of potential transcendence or enlightenment.

What do you think about it? Have you experienced any such phenomenon as the death of the mind, even for a moment?

But then boiling which is a gradual process can appear to be a sudden one, no?

You have been heating the water for a long time and nothing is happening. But all of a sudden it starts evaporating.

Will enlightenment or awakening be something similar?

I have had such momentary experiences a couple of times in my life.

Once when I had been going through a mental illness some six years ago. I was resting with my eyes closed when a ‘black lightning’ struck inside and everything went blank for a moment. Everything.

And when I came to my senses a few moments later I started crying terribly. I started saying ‘Ansh’ died inside.

In the second instance, I was driving back home from the Office when I noticed ‘Ansh’ from a third-person perspective. And that was just for a few moments too.

It was just like what Rumi had said in his poem ‘The Guest House’, some momentary awareness comes as an unexpected visitor.

Then I researched online and read some books to find out how some of the Masters have experienced the process.

Eventually, I came to the conclusion that it is a very subjective experience. Everyone’s journey is different, everyone’s experience is different.

Here are some of their experiences described in their own words.

J. Krishnamurti

Jiddu Krishnamurti's significant spiritual experience, often referred to as his "process" or "awakening," began in 1922 in Ojai, California.

It was in Ojai that he experienced intense physical and mystical phenomena, which he later described as a profound transformation of consciousness.

In "Krishnamurti's Notebook," he described these experiences in more detail. For example, he wrote about feeling as though there was an intense energy or "benediction" that would envelop him, leading to states of immense clarity and tranquility.

An excerpt from "Krishnamurti's Notebook" gives a glimpse into his experience:

"There is a tree by the river, and it is splendid, full of leaves; there is a bird on the tree, singing, and a child is crying. There is total attention, and this attention is like the light of a clear flame, without shadow. This attention has no centre, and it does not radiate from a centre to a periphery. This attention is perception without thought and is therefore total seeing."

Osho

Before his enlightenment, Osho experienced a period of intense inner turmoil, questioning, and seeking.

The night before his enlightenment, Osho experienced a profound shift. He described a sense of death and rebirth, feeling as if he was dying and being born anew. He went through a state of nothingness, a void where his ego and personal identity dissolved.

On the morning of March 21, 1953, Osho went to a garden in Jabalpur, India. He sat under a tree, and it was here that he described his final breakthrough into enlightenment. He experienced a profound sense of oneness with the universe, an overwhelming feeling of bliss and ecstasy. He felt a deep connection with existence, beyond time and space.

In his own words, from one of his discourses:

"The night was very hot, and I could not sleep. Around twelve I felt a sudden change in my body. I was taken aback, but there was no fear. Something in me was aware that this was the moment I had been waiting for, something in me was aware that this was the moment of deliverance. I was fully awake, fully aware. There was no desire, no urge, no motivation. I was just a pool of silence. My whole surrounding was filled with a divine presence."

Buddha

Gautama Buddha's enlightenment experience is one of the most significant and detailed accounts of spiritual awakening in history.

The Pali Canon, which is a major collection of scriptures in the Theravada Buddhist tradition, contains descriptions of Buddha's enlightenment in his own words. Here is an excerpt from the "Ariyapariyesana Sutta" (The Noble Search), where the Buddha recounts his experience:

I thought: ‘Why am I afraid of that pleasure that has nothing to do with sensual pleasures and unwholesome states?’ I considered: ‘I am not afraid of that pleasure, since it has nothing to do with sensual pleasures and unwholesome states.’ So I thought: ‘I will divide my thinking into two classes.’ I set on one side thoughts of sensual desire, ill will, and cruelty, and I set on the other side thoughts of renunciation, non-ill will, and non-cruelty.

As I abided thus, diligent, ardent, and resolute, a thought of sensual desire arose in me. I understood thus: ‘This thought of sensual desire has arisen in me. This leads to my own affliction, to others’ affliction, and to the affliction of both; it obstructs wisdom, causes difficulties, and leads away from Nibbāna.’ When I considered thus, it subsided in me.

As I abided thus, diligent, ardent, and resolute, a thought of ill will arose in me. I understood thus: ‘This thought of ill will has arisen in me. This leads to my own affliction, to others’ affliction, and to the affliction of both; it obstructs wisdom, causes difficulties, and leads away from Nibbāna.’ When I considered thus, it subsided in me.

As I abided thus, diligent, ardent, and resolute, a thought of cruelty arose in me. I understood thus: ‘This thought of cruelty has arisen in me. This leads to my own affliction, to others’ affliction, and to the affliction of both; it obstructs wisdom, causes difficulties, and leads away from Nibbāna.’ When I considered thus, it subsided in me.

Whatever a bhikkhu frequently thinks and ponders upon, that will become the inclination of his mind. If a bhikkhu frequently thinks and ponders upon thoughts of sensual desire, he has abandoned the thought of renunciation to cultivate the thought of sensual desire, and then his mind inclines to thoughts of sensual desire. If a bhikkhu frequently thinks and ponders upon thoughts of ill will … cruelty, he has abandoned the thought of non-cruelty to cultivate the thought of cruelty, and then his mind inclines to thoughts of cruelty.

So, while I walked, the unwholesome thoughts that had arisen in me ceased; and in the same way, while I stood, while I sat, and while I lay down, the unwholesome thoughts that had arisen in me ceased.

Then, quite secluded from sensual pleasures, secluded from unwholesome states, I entered upon and abided in the first jhāna, which is accompanied by applied and sustained thought, with rapture and pleasure born of seclusion. With the stilling of applied and sustained thought, I entered upon and abided in the second jhāna, which has self-confidence and singleness of mind without applied and sustained thought, with rapture and pleasure born of concentration. With the fading away as well of rapture, I abided in equanimity, and mindful and fully aware, still feeling pleasure with the body, I entered upon and abided in the third jhāna, on account of which noble ones announce: ‘He has a pleasant abiding who has equanimity and is mindful.’ With the abandoning of pleasure and pain, and with the previous disappearance of joy and grief, I entered upon and abided in the fourth jhāna, which has neither-pain-nor-pleasure and purity of mindfulness due to equanimity.

When my concentrated mind was thus purified, bright, unblemished, rid of imperfection, malleable, wieldy, steady, and attained to imperturbability, I directed it to knowledge of the recollection of past lives. I recollected my manifold past lives, that is, one birth, two births, … Thus with their aspects and particulars I recollected my manifold past lives.

When my concentrated mind was thus purified, bright, unblemished, rid of imperfection, malleable, wieldy, steady, and attained to imperturbability, I directed it to knowledge of the passing away and reappearance of beings. With the divine eye, which is purified and surpasses the human, I saw beings passing away and reappearing, and I understood how beings pass on according to their actions.

When my concentrated mind was thus purified, bright, unblemished, rid of imperfection, malleable, wieldy, steady, and attained to imperturbability, I directed it to knowledge of the destruction of the taints. I directly knew as it actually is: ‘This is suffering’; I directly knew as it actually is: ‘This is the origin of suffering’; I directly knew as it actually is: ‘This is the cessation of suffering’; I directly knew as it actually is: ‘This is the way leading to the cessation of suffering.’ I directly knew as it actually is: ‘These are the taints’; I directly knew as it actually is: ‘This is the origin of the taints’; I directly knew as it actually is: ‘This is the cessation of the taints’; I directly knew as it actually is: ‘This is the way leading to the cessation of the taints.’

When I knew and saw thus, my mind was liberated from the taint of sensual desire, from the taint of being, and from the taint of ignorance. When it was liberated, there came the knowledge: ‘It is liberated.’ I directly knew: ‘Birth is destroyed, the holy life has been lived, what had to be done has been done, there is no more coming to any state of being.’

Ramana Maharishi

Ramana Maharshi, the renowned sage of Advaita Vedanta, shared his enlightenment experience in various writings and conversations. Here is a summarized account of his awakening, as expressed by him:

It was about six weeks before I left Madurai for good that the great change in me took place. It was quite sudden. I was sitting alone in a room on the first floor of my uncle's house. I seldom had any sickness and on that day there was nothing wrong with my health, but a sudden violent fear of death overtook me. There was nothing in my state of health to account for it, and I did not try to account for it or to find out whether there was any reason for the fear. I just felt ‘I am going to die’ and began thinking what to do about it. It did not occur to me to consult a doctor or my elders or friends. I felt I had to solve the problem myself then and there.

The shock of the fear of death drove my mind inward and I said to myself mentally, without actually framing the words: ‘Now death has come; what does it mean? What is it that is dying? This body dies.’ And I at once dramatized the occurrence of death. I lay with my limbs stretched out stiff as though rigor mortis had set in and imitated a corpse so as to give greater reality to the inquiry. I held my breath and kept my lips tightly closed so that no sound could escape, so that neither ‘I’ nor any sound could be uttered. ‘Well then,’ I said to myself, ‘this body is dead. It will be carried stiff to the burning ground and there burnt and reduced to ashes. But with the death of this body am I dead? Is the body ‘I’? This body is silent and inert. But I feel the full force of my personality and even the voice of the ‘I’ within me, apart from it. So I am Spirit transcending the body. The body dies but the Spirit that transcends it cannot be touched by death. That means I am the deathless Spirit.’

All this was not dull thought; it flashed through me vividly as living truth which I perceived directly almost without thought-process. ‘I’ was something very real, the only real thing about my present state, and all the conscious activity connected with my body was centered on that ‘I’. From that moment onwards the ‘I’ or Self focused attention on itself by a powerful fascination. Fear of death had vanished once and for all. Absorption in the Self continued unbroken from that time on. Other thoughts might come and go like the various notes of music, but the ‘I’ continued like the fundamental sruti (Śruti or shruti in Sanskrit means "that which is heard") note that underlies and blends with all the other notes.

What do you think about this?

Or what’s your ‘idea’ of enlightenment or awakening?

Do you think it will be like a flash of lightning? Or like the gradual boiling of water?

The purpose of both publications is to help us find and meet our true selves, and know the reality of our beings. I hope you, as much as I will benefit from it. Enjoy!

Hurt has the power to transform us. Just like any other feeling if taken seriously and head-on.

So, when you are hurt I’d say turn to art, music, dance, sports, poetry, and prose. You will learn a great deal about yourself when you are hurt.

But, the basic instinct is always to turn away from the hurt.

And turn towards distractions, drugs (of all kinds), and destruction.

When I feel hurt I start eating dark chocolate while watching Netflix. My wife when hurt starts watching Crime Patrol.

You get the point.

Usually, when we are hurt, we hurt other people—even the ones we love and care about.

The right thing to do would be to stay with the hurt and let it reveal itself.

We have to let it teach us. Hurt wants to convey a message.

Go to the root. Just observe.

But, it's terribly difficult to do. Why?

Because nobody taught us while we were young.

We could have grasped these emotional, social, and mindfulness skills during our childhood so easily. We were malleable then.

But no!

They wanted to teach us Civics, Politics, History! And that too inaccurate!

Look inside! That's the source of all the above-mentioned and other subjects.

Master the inner world and you can rule the outer world.

The more we are open to hurt the more we can embrace kindness.

It works both ways.

Hurt is not inherently bad like most other things. It's our perception of and reaction to hurt.

I think hurt makes us whole.

Do you know what Jim Morrisson, the famous frontman of The Doors, had said about hurt and pain?

“People are afraid of themselves, of their own reality; their feelings most of all. People talk about how great love is, but that’s bullshit. Love hurts. Feelings are disturbing. People are taught that pain is evil and dangerous. How can they deal with love if they’re afraid to feel? Pain is meant to wake us up. People try to hide their pain. But they’re wrong. Pain is something to carry, like a radio. You feel your strength in the experience of pain. It’s all in how you carry it. That’s what matters. Pain is a feeling. Your feelings are a part of you. Your own reality. If you feel ashamed of them, and hide them, you’re letting society destroy your reality. You should stand up for your right to feel your pain.”

I completely agree.

There is something pure and hence affectionate about hurt too.

So don't run away from hurt, Ansh. Embrace it.

How?

Just don't react. Wait. Just wait.

And try to feel it. How does it feel in your body? Where in the body do you most feel the hurt?

If in the heart, give your complete attention there. Stay with it. Slow down your breathing.

Now, your turn, fellow Explorers!

What do you do when you feel hurt? Do you turn to distractions or drugs or destruction?

And let me know why you find it hard to embrace hurt.

What can we collectively do to better deal with hurt?

Do you have any tips or tactics or tools you turn to to deal with hurt?

Let's share in the comments below or in the chat thread. Let's make this interactive and learn from one another.

Let's walk on this journey of self-exploration and self-discovery together. Let’s know ourselves better.

This is the whole point of writing on Substack and having this wonderful community, isn't it?