(KP-18) The More Easily we get our Kicks the Miserable we Become
How a Magsaysay Awardee is helping the mentally ill destitute | Summary of the book 'Courage to be Disliked' | Quote on self worth
Life Lesson
So, after listening to some neuroscientists, I am slowly getting the hang of how dopamine works and what makes us miserable.
So, here is the thing. Our brain tries its best to keep us in equilibrium emotionally a.k.a homeostasis. The moment we get some pleasure or kick, our brain takes it upon itself to neutralize it by applying some force (technically called gremlins) on the pain or hangover side of the see-saw.
The pleasure will at one point in time hop off from the see-saw but the gremlins will pull you down even beyond equilibrium. The gremlins will only hop off from the see-saw after a considerable time. So, now you will feel some pain/misery/hangover for some time.
In order to avoid facing this pain or feeling miserable you take one more hit of a cigarette, LSD, cocaine, or alcohol, and check the social media feed and the notifications to lift you up (dopamine rush).
More gremlins start hoping on the pain side of the see-saw as a result. Now what happens is that to feel the same kind of high (or dopamine rush) this time, you need more of the drug.
The cycle continues. Gremlins will bring you down intensely and keep you there for a considerably longer period of time now. And now you start craving the drug and build an addiction.
The intensity with which gremlins push you down and the time they take to hop off depend on the kind of drug you are taking.
From an evolutionary perspective, dopamine serves a purpose. It encourages us to act to earn an anticipated reward to reproduce or survive.
But as the world and technology around us have evolved, our dopamine system has gone into an overdrive mode. We are constantly seeking cheap pleasures. And the more easily we are getting them the more miserable we are becoming.
You ask what is the solution then. I think doing a dopamine detox might help. But more on that in the subsequent versions of my newsletter.
Positive Feel-Good Story
A person who suffered from mental illness himself and then after recovering went on to save more than 9,000 mentally ill patients. I am talking about Magsaysay Awardee Dr. Bharat Vatwani.
This so happens with some people who after going through a tough phase vow to make it better, and safer for other people. They make sure that other people don’t suffer the same thing, and don’t go through the same ordeal as they did.
For eg. a cancer survivor establishes an NGO to help cancer patients; likewise, Dr. Bharat did when he founded Shraddha Rehabilitation Foundation to reunite mentally ill human beings with their families. Because he knew what it felt like to be mentally ill.
The most heartwarming part of the story is that the foundation helps those homeless and destitute patients that are completely ostracized by society. We turn a blind eye toward such people like they don’t exist.
You can learn more about the foundation here.
Books/Podcast/Video Suggestion
The book that I recently finished reading and suggest you read is ‘Courage to be Disliked’. It is a suggestion not because it will change your life (Well, no book can do that if you do not put in the effort and the work), but because it will help you think. It will broaden your perspective. And that is the main purpose of this newsletter.
To start off, it is written in a simple dialogue format between a philosopher (teacher) and a disciple discussing Adlerian psychological principles.
Three key takeaways from the books:
Our experiences in the past do not shape who we are, it’s the meaning we give to those experiences that determines us. For eg., a terrible event won’t make you feel so bad if you say ‘Oh, that had to happen, I could not have done anything to avoid it’.
All the problems in the world are interpersonal problems. No others, no problems. Period.
We won’t crave appreciation or recognition from others if we knew our worth. And our worth is determined by our contribution to society. You should just have the feeling that I am of use to someone.
To read a free preview of the book click here
Quote/Poem
The following is the quote from the same book ‘Courage to be Disliked’ that resonated with me:
"If one really has a feeling of contribution, one will no longer have any need for recognition from others. Because one will already have the real awareness that ‘I am of use to someone’, without needing to go out of one’s way to be acknowledged by others. In other words, a person who is obsessed with the desire for recognition does not have any community feeling yet, and has not managed to engage in self-acceptance, confidence in others or contribution to others."
Most of us are struggling to fully understand our self worth. You have raised a very good point. And please write something more on dopamine detox.