Maintaining Healthy Egos and Self-Respect in Relationships (KP-25)
Overcoming hardships with perseverance and grit | Breathe to change your life | Octavio Paz on contradictions of love
Suppose you had an argument or a fight with your partner. Now, both of you are ruminating in separate rooms about what happened or what you could have said differently. Both of you are sure it is the other person’s fault.
But still, you are the one who initiates the conversation for the truce every time. Maybe you can’t stand the feeling of separation or there is a feeling of guilt or there could be any other reason. But you being the initiator will feed the ego of your partner.
Gradually, your partner will start taking the relationship and you for granted. Your partner might start taking advantage of this fact that no matter what happens you will come forward to resolve the fight.
It can lead to more conflicts and the onus of resolution will be on you. But that will start feeling like a burden one day.
So, you start to build a boundary line to reach the state of a healthy or maybe even positive ego. But is it right to term it as self-respect?
Now you overcome the feeling of guilt and wait for your partner to initiate. Moreover, you think it is your partner’s fault.
But when the relationship is at stake, when the relationship takes precedence over ego issues then you be the ice-breaker. Keep the ego aside.
So, the next time after a conflict, calm down and introspect and decide wisely whether it's truly a matter of ego or the relationship that needs your attention. Choose your battles wisely, and learn when to compromise.
But when the relationship is at stake, when the relationship takes precedence over ego issues then you be the ice-breaker. Keep the ego aside.
Positive Feel-Good Story
So this incredible person, Munna, was the eldest in the family and felt responsible for supporting his family right from childhood. That’s why he left school at the age of 14 to work odd jobs in his hometown.
But at the age of 15, he decided to shift to Mumbai to get paid better.
When he reached Mumbai he had only Rs. 24 in his pocket and started looking for work. After struggling for a while, he finally landed a job as a newspaper delivery boy.
“I worked hard in the morning and during the later half, I did other jobs to earn more money. I have worked in cardboard shops, welding shops, and as a diamond polisher and cutter. This way, I was able to sustain myself and send money home too occasionally,” he says.
Then after 8 years of hardship, he started interning in a photography studio.
“I loved what the photographers did and wanted to try my hands at it, but they did not let me. The cameras were expensive and they did not let me touch it initially,” he recalls.
Gradually, he started building his portfolio by working with upcoming actors and models.
“The journey was gradual, it took me a decade only to find my passion and footing in the city. My dream to support my family is a reality now. I make nearly Rs 25 lakh annually with my photography, and the city does not seem as cruel as it did back when I was 15,” he says.
So, his life is a testimony of achieving success in life through hard work and perseverance. Nothing worthwhile comes easy in life.
Moreover, passion is not something that you are born with. You stumble upon it on your way and it could come knocking at your door anytime.
Be ready, be open, be gritty.
Book/Podcast/Video Recommendation
We do it as long as we live but mostly aren't aware of it: breathing.
In his talk, Lucas, a world-renowned yoga teacher, trainer, podcaster, and serial entrepreneur, also the founder of YOGABODY and YOGABODY Teachers College, breaks down the fundamentals of yoga breathing in a way that you can easily remember and apply to your practice.
Lucas shows us how three breathing practices - water, whiskey, or coffee - can be used as a tool and help us to overcome any situation.
Water breathing - Count to 4 on inhale: Count to 4 on exhale - anytime/all day - helps you to regain balance.
Whiskey breathing - Count to 4 on inhale: Count to 8 on exhale - before sleep - helps you to sleep.
Coffee breathing - No inhaling: 20x quick exhale - 3 rounds in the Morning, before a workout, afternoon at around 3 pm - helps you stimulate the sympathetic nervous system.
Quote/Poem to Ponder
Octavio Paz on contradictions of love:
(Octavio Paz Lozano was a Mexican poet and diplomat. For his body of work, he was awarded the 1977 Jerusalem Prize, the 1981 Miguel de Cervantes Prize, the 1982 Neustadt International Prize for Literature, and the 1990 Nobel Prize in Literature)
Like all the great creations of humanity, love is twofold: it is the supreme happiness and the supreme misfortune…
Lovers pass constantly from rapture to despair, from sadness to joy, from wrath to tenderness, from desperation to sensuality…
The lover is perpetually driven by contradictory emotions. Popular language, in all times and all places, abounds in expressions that describe the vulnerability of a person in love: love is a wound, an injury.
But as St. John of the Cross says, it is “a wound that is a gift,” a “gentle cautery,” a “delightful wound.” Yes, love is a flower of blood. It is also a talisman: the vulnerability of lovers protects them.
Their shield is their lack of defense; their armor is their nakedness.